The Power of You

My favourite word is no. I know what you're thinking, it sounds bad and negative, let me explain. Words have power and I don't mean just their definition. They change over time, they fall in and out of favour. Sometimes they matter and other times they don't. Some words have multiple definitions that can quite literally be used in very different ways to mean very different things. Some words are whispered, others shouted and screamed. Some don't change their meaning, but their pronunciation. For example the word often. Do you pronounce it with the t, or not? Personally, I don't, but many people do. Why? Both pronunciations are correct. 'Often' is a word that changed because of class structure. For a time, it was only said without the t by the upper class and was considered a mark of education and wealth. Over time, the more common pronunciation, with the t, crept into favour. Now, it doesn't matter how you say it. But, often is a word with a history, one that changed with society and time. No isn't really like that.

Why is no my favourite word?

"The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It's very easy to say yes." -- Tony Blair

Tony Blair's words, quoted above, is part of the reason why no is my favourite word. Yes is easy to say. Yes is sunny and bright. But should the answer always be yes? NO! And what are you saying yes to? No doesn't flounce what it is or what it means. It's stable, like a cornerstone. No isn't confusing, it doesn't change. There's a trend I've noticed that started slowly and over time has crept into almost everything we do, and it revolves around boundaries. I like boundaries; they're like signs outside of shops and store windows. They tell you, hopefully clearly, what can and can't happen. What to expect. What to do. Boundaries are also a healthy way to keep yourself safe, especially when you might not feel the power to do so. No can be seen as a line in the sand and that's not always a bad thing. Some of us have a hard time not saying yes; we feel bad if we decline -- but we shouldn't. Boundaries help us keep our sanity in an increasingly chaotic world. Boundaries help us to focus on what we can manage and help to bring that stress level down. Saying no is the first step to setting those boundaries.

Public libraries have books on everything! Self-help or self-improvement is a big collection that get's a lot of attention and for good reason. Some advice is by academic professionals with concrete, fact-based methods of improvement. There are also books by people who've learned through trial and error and their life experiences allow them to share a thing or two about that topic. Below is a list of books to help give you a boost. To say NO and set those boundaries, saying YES to you. Books to help you break old habits that are wearing you down and create new ones that bring you joy. Books that offer some encouragement when you need it and some advice to help you make the changes you need. Books that can help you set goals that are realistic and achievable, in time-frames that are manageable.

The Courage to be Disliked: The Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to free yourself, change your life, and achieve real happiness by Ichiro Kishimi and Kumitake Koga

The Courage to Be Disliked shows you how to unlock the power within yourself to become your best and truest self, change your future, and find lasting happiness. It’s a philosophy that’s profoundly liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves.

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? By Dr. Julie Smith

Your mental well-being is just as important as your physical well-being. Packed with proven strategies, Dr. Smith's empathetic guide offers a deeper understanding of how your mind works and gives you the insights and help you need to nurture your mental health every day. The book tackles everyday issues and offers practical solutions in bite-sized, easy-to-digest entries which make it easy to quickly find specific information and guidance.

The Beauty of Discomfort: How What We Avoid Is What We Need by Amanda Lang

Some degree of discomfort is inherently good for you. It can spur you on, pushing you to test your own limits. Learning to tolerate, and then embrace, discomfort is the foundation for change for individuals and businesses alike. Becoming comfortable with discomfort won’t just make us more resilient and more successful, however we define success. It will also make us happier.

Truly successful people don’t merely tolerate discomfort—they embrace it and seek it out again and again.

Be A Triangle: How I Went From Being Lost To Getting My Life Into Shape by Lilly Singh

Everyone—even world-famous actress, author, and creator Lilly Singh—knows that sometimes life just sucks. In this book, Singh provides a safe space where readers can learn how to create a sense of peace within themselves. Without sugarcoating what it’s like to face adversity—including acknowledging her own intensely personal struggles with identity, success, and self-doubt—Singh teaches readers to “unsubscribe” from cookie-cutter ideals.

With her signature blend of vulnerability, insight, and humor, Singh instructs readers to “be a triangle,” creating a solid foundation for your life, one that can be built upon, but never fundamentally changed or destroyed. As she puts it, “we must create a place, a system of beliefs, a simple set of priorities to come back to should life lead us astray, which it definitely will.”

Better Than Before: What I learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build A Happier Life by Gretchen Rubin

If habits are a key to change, then what we really need to know is: How do we change our habits?

Better than Before answers that question. It presents a practical, concrete framework to allow readers to understand their habits—and to change them for good. Infused with Rubin’s compelling voice, rigorous research, and easy humor, and packed with vivid stories of lives transformed, Better than Before explains the (sometimes counter-intuitive) core principles of habit formation.

Along the way, Rubin uses herself as guinea pig, tests her theories on family and friends, and answers readers’ most pressing questions—oddly, questions that other writers and researchers tend to ignore:

• Why do I find it tough to create a habit for something I love to do?

• Sometimes I can change a habit overnight, and sometimes I can’t change a habit, no matter how hard I try. Why?

• How quickly can I change a habit?

• What can I do to make sure I stick to a new habit?

• How can I help someone else change a habit?

• Why can I keep habits that benefit others, but can’t make habits that are just for me?

Whether readers want to get more sleep, stop checking their devices, maintain a healthy weight, or finish an important project, habits make change possible. Reading just a few chapters of Better Than Before will make readers eager to start work on their own habits—even before they’ve finished the book.

If you're a podcast lover, these might be of interest to you:

The Happiness Lab by Dr. Laurie Santos on Pushkin.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty.

Happier with Gretchen Rubin.

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris.

- Dawn Travers -

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